and here's for all you who think life's perfect/a bed or roses for me.
today wasnt a really good start to my not-very-holiday holidays aand to the month. fell asleep last night waiting, had way too many weird dreams for one night, and i woke up with a frigging cramp, and the first frigging thing i got was a scolding from my mother, which i guess isnt reeeeally unexpected. or abnormal. but STILL. i was in a good mood when i woke up. =l. aaand so i got grumpy and locked myself up in my room. and she came in later while i was staring at the wall to exclaim (in a very pissed manner) at the messiness of my desk. which didnt really make my day at all.
aaaand then i was on my electric organ until lunch.
and lunch was horrible, since my mother nearly frigging force-fed me veggies. but i ate them in the end. to avoid bring force-fed, mind. and so yeaaaaaah i left home for tuition in a very very very bad mood.
but i guess tuition was better, since the girls&gays cheered me up. liike, alot. :D
anddddd teacher was superrr funny about the sadist story we had to write. blah. aaaand teacher was reeeeeally pleased with the stuff we made for him. aaaand qiqi randomly presented me with a very very very belated-birthday-pressie, (which, ive to say, is adorable.) aaaand we were playing with hui hui's water babies.
so i left tuition in a very very good mood. and went home to find that mommy went out so i was in a even better mood.
(fine, so that's not a really nice thing to say)
aaaaaand i had my organ lessons. which, im sorry to say, clashes with church. and no, the teacher cant change her time, cause saturday's only the time when we're both free. and no no no, mommy wont hear of extending the duration of my classes. so now i find myself looking forward to every saturday.
okaaaaay, i really need a life. i think i spent more than two hours on the organ. aaand im somehow still planning to play it later. raaaaarh.
stupidddd. and its like, i only want to do my artwork and play my organ and blah.
but now mommy's complaining that i spend way too much time doing those very things. and too much time out of the house, too.
but she about spends every waking second in my company frigging shouting at either my brother or i. and yeah, 'course im supposed to enjoy her company. like the frigging dutiful daughter i should be.
and now she's claiming that i love my friends more than i love her.
well, seeing the way she shouts and screams and criticizes.
but still, she's my mother and i guess i've some good times with her.
still, bad times more often than not.
and nooooo. i can never ever ever ever ever spend enough time studying, 'cause she'd be on my frigging tail pushing me to the books. like, again. just because she dosent see me study dosent frigging mean that i dont study. wtf, how'd she suppose i get my grades?
though they may not be all that perfect.
which i suppose is what she expects.
but then again, perfect just my not be enough for her, oh no.
and i've a stupid frigging full-day course tomorrow.
yes, her work.
nothing to look forward to.
something to dread, really.
and damnit, i've like next to nothing to look forward to.
stupid. and i've pw on monday, and now we have to rush.
stupid. english course on tuesday and wednesday, and i haven't done the speech.
stupid. we've so much frigging homework that it's no holiday at all.
and oh no, that's not my only problem. science is getting really really really frustrating.
truth be told, life's really much much easier when science didn't involve math. and math wasnt that tough. and the same goes for every other subject. and now im being pressed to study more chinese, aaaaand science. i've nothing to say for chinese, but wtheck, an A2 isnt enough for science? with all the frigging calculations and formulas and crap coming up, well, A2 just might be impossible now. and im having enough trouble mantaining my grade for math.
no, the math remedial lessons are nothing andabsolutely nothing but a frigging great excuse for time wastage. i learnt nothing and absolutely nothing nothing nothing from them, so there.
and oh, look at the really cool pile of homework we have. to be finished by the end of this week really. and ooh, how many frigging tests do we have now? and look how little time we've left.
and lets add on to that, mother says.
a full-day course every sunday, organlessons&tuition&revision on saturday, and you can revise your homework every damned second you're awake, really. why? oh, 'cause your life's really mine to rule.
goddess forbid there be rest for the weary. goddess forbid.
and goddess forbid she does what she likes and enjoys, really!
stupid. so who says that im really all that carefree? and look at my perfect little miserable life.
sitll, thaaaaank you all who made my day. and you all who care really. you all who really and truly and wonderfully care really.
no, nothing to the hypocrites. you dont know how much you all have hurt me, and words as well as this stupid silence can break me. and yes, i saw that you really dont caare. and i've seen the look in your eyes, and there and then i gave up on you. and well well. you snicker at the little random things i treasure, those keepsakes i hold dear.
shows how much you care, really. and i dont know why i havent seen that earlier. thinking back, you never really helped me or anything of that sort.
suppose i was nothing more than your toy?
someone you could call dumb. someone who'd follow you around so that you wont look miserable. someone who'd wait for you even though you'd never wait for her. someone whom you could keep to yourself, and all to yourself. someone whom you expect to jump at the chance of being with you.
well. you really took advantage of me, and im disgusted with you.
and no, id rather things not end with a broken heart.
and to you whom i dont even know, but already hates me. its not really nice to judge a book by her cover, no? and well. i've seen you, the way you speak and act. and your attitude, really. im really really really disappointed, thought you could have been someone better. but then, maybe ive thought that way too many times already. society, oh well.
no no no no no, i shant be like that 'cause of some people!
;caaaause i've always them others. (:
aww. like you maybe, 'cause you bothered to read my miserable ravings.
there's really much more i'd like to say, but i can't remember (thank goddess) and dont want to remember. so here.
the end.
(no im not emo)
(i'd just like some concern)
(though i know many others who have problems greater than mine.)
(and deb asked me to change my layout so here.)
and on a last note, Ms Kor isn't retarded. or stupid. she's a perfectly nice teacher. and i really dont know why you all really so biased against her. (ooh, ms poh's must be nicer, her flowers must be nicer!)
or maybe its cause im prejudiced against ms poh. but no, its not like ms kor hasnt scolded me for my attire and crap.
no, ms kor dosent practise favourism. unlike ms poh.
still. i think ms kor's really a better teacher. i mean, hey. she actually told me that if i had any problems i could go to her. and she also said that i could ask her anything about physics. and at least she didnt go " your chinese is really really horrible" when she gave me back my report. no, i cant say that for ms poh. who actually told me that. except uh, change chinese to math.
you dont know how frigging discouraging that was. and ive had way too many silent daggers thrown at me by her. she never did like me and made that clear.
there.