{ this is an edit at 11:48p.m. on the 23rd of december. 2007. }

i feel pathetic.
i don't know how these emotions work.
i was the usual hyperactive person during the day while out with friends.
but now this. i feel pathetic.

there's no more fiery passion for the guitar and the organ. i badly want to do well, but still.
it's not the i'm-playing-'cos-playing-is-relaxing feel i want.
now it's the i-don't-seem-to-enjoy-it-anymore-but-i-WILL-play-for-the-sake-of-the-march-exam.
stupid stupid stupid.
i don't feel the instrument anymore.
everything seems to be getting dull.

it's not just music. english seems to have failed me too. yes, the previous entry. english, that i could always count on to satisfy my parents and boost my grades.
i wonder if it's just me being paranoid or whatnot, but somehow everything seems to not-be-working-out recently.

my brain understands but my heart dosen't.

sometimes it feels so pathetically wretched. grey, shrivelled and dried up.
yet sometimes it feels so glad.

i feel caged. yes, i get a good dose of freedom from my parents - but so what?
my heart feels caged. it longs to scream on a rooftop. it longs to run barefoot on the grass.
it longs to let go of the emotions.

you know what? i' putting it down to PMS.
yes, PMS.
puberty.
my-little-girl-is-growing-up.
whatever.

i feel like a stinging mess of feelings. ha. a raw squirming uncontrollable fucking mess of feelings.
stupid. i'm sorry to have employed the use of That Word. it only goes to show that words have failed me.

i don't know.
i don't know.

everything seems to be balanced on a point.
a little shove and everything goes over the edge.
some stupid gesture can set me off on high for hours yet some random thoughtless words can bring on a crying fit.

fuck everything.
i don't understand anything right now.
and it's been going on for some time already.

i guess i expected this to come. everything to explode.

i feel like hurting people. i feel like razing everything to the ground. i feel like crying my eyes out.

i don't know anything right now.
i don't know what's happening.
i don't know anything at all.
i don't know why my emotions are like that.

and so i'm really sorry if i've said something mean to any of you.
i'm really not in control of my emotions right now.

and i guess that's the reason why i'm doing this.
maybe it's just an excuse to cover up for the vain attempt i'm making to sort everything out.

look, it's twelve thirty am. the 24th of decemeber. christmas eve.
and exactly one month away from my birthday.
so is this how i'm going to spend my last month as a thirteen year old?

it dosent matter anyway:
i just want to apoligise for the way i've been behaving because of all my emotions.

{ edit ended 12:35a.m. 24th december 2007 }

FINE FINE FINE FINE FINE. pictures today. D:


i forgot when these two happened:

yar i'm being zilian. :D
PIYING IS FROM DAMAI!

not. :/

these happened todayyyyyy:

we took turns being emo at the airport. this is emo kaiyi.
this is emo meow.
this is emo piying,
and this is the emo airport.
HHAHAHAHAHA. AND LOOK WHAT WE FOUND ON KAIYI'S RETURN TICKET CARD THING. :D
"what the hell / GST "

ZOMGHAHAHAHHAAxD

this is my work. 'piying is an apple'
I DID ALL THESE OKAYEEEEE. :D
'what does that light mean?'
poor stressed kiddooooo. ):
apparently my hand moved while piying was taking the picture. D:
'yessaye we're tourists'
piying is a gluttoooooooooooon :D
... ... kaiyi is hardworking. D:
zomg slack. :D
this is my work too! 'the Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit' :D
this is piying's work. on me. I FORGOT WHAT IT READ. :D
i think i influenced kaiyi. :D
...i don't like writing chinese essayss.
i like taking pictures of everything when i'm bored. :D

gaaaah. went changi airport to 'complete holiday homework' today.
ha. ha. ha.
the only person who actually managed to complete anything was kaiyi. -.-
i wrote one paragraph of the compo.
piying read two pages of the storybook.

zomg. then i started writing emo songs. 'i'mma good songwriter lorrrr'
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA:D
i'll figure out the tune on the keyboard later la.

kaiyi said that her senior said that the fries couldn't be digested.
'cannot digest go for operation!' quoted myself. HAHAHAHAHAAA:D

i got distracted before i could do much homework and spent the rest of the time disturbing the rest and being random and writing emo songs.

and these happened on some day-i-forgot too:


...got bored and started playing with jo's dining mat. :D
and i though new year was rather far away. :/

i love kitty wittyyyyyyy.

heyheyheyheyhey! know what?
i haven't done any homework!
and school's starting in what, ten plus plus plus days?
OOH.
going to help kaiyi out with the english project tomorrow because i'm darn kind. :D
(i feel like i betrayed debby! :O [well i didn't so there] )
zomg, i hope the project won't turn out like the geog brochure fiesta. :/
spent like three days trying to open the stupid file and print it. -.-
GAH.










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