I am afraid, so so so very afraid I don't want to lose you but I know that I have no right to keep you here too after what I've done and the worst part is that it's all my fault, all my fault my wrongdoing and it was something that I could have not done, they eat away at me all the time, gnawing and biting and gnashing their horrible venom-tipped teeth, the guilt and the fear and the misery and the and it's my fault, all my fault how I wish I could turn back time, I never should have meddled with these things, never ever ever I never should have thought of them I should have banished the thought the moment it sprung like a weedflower that looked pretty but would in time devour the flowers I shouldn't have let it live I should have stomped on it hacked it down burnt it eradicated it but I didn't and now I regret but regrets always come too late, why why why why why why there's no other way other than to bite the bullet face the music prepare myself for whatever comes and take it like that why the thought always lurks in me always even on days when things seem fine it's just sleeping, sleeping like a dormant volcano preparing itself for the day it'll erupt and destroy ruin reduce to nothing everything and anything why why why why why why why why why why did it take me so long to realise why were my eyes so clouded why were my thoughts so muddled why was my heart so confused why did I not nip it in the bud why why why but I cannot run away I cannot hide from you I cannot hide from the truth the guilt they come searching for me every night every time I'm alone with my thoughts I see the bloodlust in their eyes and I am fearful I want to escape I want to pretend nothing happened I never want to be dragged back to reality I never want to but I have to because I don't want to hurt you any more than I know I will I'm so so so so so sorry I don't expect forgiveness but what will I do without you what will I do where will I go and who will ever take your place I never expected I never wanted I never knew this day would come but it did it did and I will have to live through it though the prospect of this ties my heart in knots and knots I'll never be able to untie why why why is this karma is this fate is this a lesson to be learnt from is this a sign is this a blessing in disguise what is this, what are you and why have you stormed into my life with unhappiness and confusion in tow why why why I thought I managed to survive the crisis already and things were only going to get better not plunge like a stock market chart like what they're doing now I thought I thought I thought I thought so wrongly I thought so foolishly, you fool you you you fool look what you've done this time now you can only hope that things will turn out well and you'll make it though not unscathed but just with minimal hurt even though chances of that are next to nonexistent
is this love?



I am afraid, so so so very afraid. ...